I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
