I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
