White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
