I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
