Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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