You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
