she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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