im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize