dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
