thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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