She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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