i was born a porn star she said
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
