I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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