You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
