I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
