wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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