it hurts more in the daytime
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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