Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
