weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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