I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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