It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
