I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
