Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize