Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
