Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
