The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
