remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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