I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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