At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
