i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
