You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
