it was like his penis was on wheels.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
