Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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