are you still at the devil's house?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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