Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
