The maid of honor just puked.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
