and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
