the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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