There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
