Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
