ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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