I CAN MOONWALK!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
