I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize