dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
