I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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