You can't special order awesome
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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