You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Pooping to opera.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
