I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i will never coherently bang her
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
