Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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