my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
