One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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