just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
