don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
