Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
