no one should ever give us hovercrafts
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
