Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
