if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
