How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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