Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
