I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
