apparently the secret to your success is patron
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize