Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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