tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
