My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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