This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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