this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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