I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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