i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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