the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
