he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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