just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
