Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
