this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
