Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
