Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
