Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
