i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
