miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
