She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
