so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
