were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
