The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
