she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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