Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize