i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
