this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
