girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
