okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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