Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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