i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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