Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
