smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
