3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
