I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
