If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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