I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
