Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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