I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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