yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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