i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
