I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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