You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
