my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
