He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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