you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
