Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
