We're facebook friends in real life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
